How do I go on when I have nothing left to give? I have nothing left to say. What do I do when strength drains out of my legs to walk forward? I stood in the hospital hallway alone looking down into the women's ward filled with beds. Each bed has a different story. Each woman has a family (or once did). Each precious soul grabs at the love of Christ whether they know it or not. I stood there saying to myself "I have nothing left to offer these women". The reality is that most of them are just trying to suck the most out of life in their last few moments before they die from AIDS. So I just stood there. God has begun to reveal to me a secret that should have never been a secret.
2nd Corinthians 12:9
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
This verse is beginning to come to life in me in a new way. I walked into the women's ward. Jesus didn't rip open the ceiling or anything (yet) (Isaiah 64), but by God's Holy Spirit I've been able to form precious relationships with some of the most precious people in the world. God himself has gently got my hand in his and he is taking me on a journey to see his people as he sees them.
He sees the woman's sweet tear that roll down her cheek as she waits for her surgery when she says that her family doesn't even know of she is dead or alive because they live too far away to visit.
He sees the deep pounding loneliness of the 20-year-old young woman lying alone in the hospital bed. She has no one left to comfort her except the strangers God sends. She lets herself cry as she tells me that her mother and father are both dead. I'm reminded that I am just about her age.
He see little Nhloso. He has been in his bed since September. His wounds are starting to rot. God please intervene! He has no family, but he never stops smiling. He never stops praying.
Each bed has a story, and whether I understand it or not God is the author. His love never fails.
[A Blog from Swaziland- March 12, 2008]
Nhloso and I
